Here we are again...

 Here we are again....

It's November 2021.  I'm in Yosemite again.  What can I say, it's affordable!, although I still feel like I have one foot out the door at all times.  

I came back mid May and ended up supervising Glacier Point.  I definitely felt rusty on the manager front.  But I do know retail....

My Mom and Brother are doing so well in Washington now.  They even moved to a new apartment in a SHAG community.  My Mom sits in the window and looks out onto to world (courtyard) and is really enjoying the light and natural views.  So opposite their last apartment cave...

Here are some things I've written down over the past few months:

*"Don't turn away. Keep your gaze on the bandaged place. That's where the light enters you." - Rumi

*Know Expectations -(SF)

*"See ya forever Dad" -T-Shoe

*"I'm kinda in love with it. Then I'm like WTF!?" -Laura (she was actually talking about a rug she was thinking about buying, but it so perfectly explains---(me) )

*"...but I think it's important to do things where you don't know what the answer is going to be, because that's where you really learn something." - documentary,  52-Hertz Whale

There has been a lot of writing, some therapy sessions, some work, a lot of driving, a TON of murder shows, tears, fears, music, books, walks, dogs, phone calls, text messages, photos...

contemplation, consideration, exhaustion, wonder, maybe some happiness thrown in there as well.

 Today is 3/3/2021.  Covid still running rampant.  Over 500,000 U.S. deaths now.  There is now a vaccine, but getting it is a slow process due to not enough vaccines.  I have hope that my Mom and Brother will be able to get their shots soon.

And speaking of Mom and Brother,  I am currently living with them in Washington to help caretake my Mom.....I've been here since mid December.  

Here are some things I've written over the few months.....I'm not gonna lie, it's been tough, many tears..

12/9/20: I want to believe in the things I believe in.

1/11/21: Epiphanies are the orgasms of the mind.

1/16/21: The conspiracy theory is part of the conspiracy.

Feb 2021: "Hello, My name is....Beck Encall"

2/2/2021: a mile between attentive and I don't know.....

2/9/21: yada yada yada, you killed Dad

Some other thoughts that I did not write:

*I'm not upset that you lied to me, I'm upset that from now on, I can't believe you.  Nietzche

*Momentum: the strength or force that something has when it's moving; the strength or force that allows something to continue or to grow stronger or faster as time passes.

* "I hope you find a way to unbreak yourself" tv show "Liar"

I wish my Dad was still alive since he was this Blog's biggest fan :)

So......wow wow wow....

July 1st 2020

The virus is still here.  130,000 deaths in the U.S.  Over 1/2 a million worldwide.  The numbers in the US are going UP....while a lot of other countries are not.  Some countries have gone back to "the new normal"; social distancing, wearing masks when out in public, limiting crowds......
Here in the United States, we'd rather fight about losing our rights than wear a mask to keep the virus from spreading.  We'd rather get a haircut, our nails manicured and have a drink in a bar than try to knock this virus to the ground by all of us coming together.  We can't even travel to the EU...we are banned until our Covid #'s decline......

I've started back to work.  They opened the outdoor pool for lap swimming by reservation only.  I've worked 9 hours as of this date.  I am scheduled for about 18 per week for July.  I'd rather not go at all....
The extra money we've all been getting is set to end sometime this month as well.  I will use 98% of the unemployment/part time work money on rent.  lolololololol
I'm not necessarily worried at this point.  Things always seem to just go where they need to for me.  I'll figure it out.  I'm not alone......


#BlackLivesMatter
!!!!
The police killed another African American man....it was videotaped.....it was horrid.....it is unacceptable.....(and there are a lot more coming to the surface)
There have been many protests!...and with protests come riots.  Much like the L.A.Riots, but different.  Better.  Perhaps some real change will happen and the Brothers and Sisters will be able to live like normal people, and not in fear.....

And you guessed it------More division.  There are actually some americans who don't care that Black People are literally being murdered by cops.  It's an ugly time to be living here in the States....

Merry Crisis: CoronaVirus Diaries

It's 4/29/2020 and I haven't been to my job since 3/12/2020.  I am on unemployment, like 10 million other people in the United States right now.  

There is a virus going around the world and people are dying.  60,000 dead so far in the U.S., over 1 million worldwide.

We have been told to Stay Home/Save Lives.  Flatten the Curve.  Wash our hands, don't touch your face., wear a mask......

For 7 weeks now, that's what I've been doing.

It's been wonderful...

So much Family time, family dinners, family dog walks, board games, movie nights, household re-arranging, grocery deliveries.

It is interesting the types of things you can still do:

Go to fast food

Go to Home Depot

Go to Target

Go to grocery stores

At 8pm every night, whole neighborhoods HOWL in appreciation for the "Essential Workers", the Doctors, Nurses, retail workers, and all the other people who are working while we stay home.

No one knows how long the Stay at Home orders will be in effect.  Some states want to open everything now, others don't.  Our nation is more divided than ever.

I just love these two.....

9/14/2018

Wow...it's been a long time since I've posted anything.  It's been a hard (almost) 3 years since my Dad died.  About 6 months ago, I finally had the realization that I "wasn't grieving today".  It felt good to know I had moved yet another step up in that process.
My Sister Cheryl died in May.  At first it was hard to let the grieving process begin because I was afraid I would spiral down.....but I only delayed what needed to be e done for a week.  I came through it ok.....
I am working and living in Marin now.  No more Yosemite.  I don't miss it.  So much less stress now....
Here's a photo of me..... went blonde! Go figure...lol.  It's the first time I've ever been a blonde.  It doesn't feel any different.  I don't even think about it until I look in the mirror.  Sometimes I even think it looks good!!
The best thing about this photo, to me anyway, is that I can look into my own eyes....they look clear and ---- happy?------, not sad at least......

The foggy 41